1. Your Wedding Budget: Where to Begin

Your budget will determine the type of wedding you will have, so it should be one of the first things you tackle.

Forget the archaic rule that certain people have to pay for certain things. The bride's parents need not take out a third mortgage to pay for the wedding, and the groom's parents are not off the hook with only rehearsal dinner and boutonnieres to worry about. Besides, the two of you might even be covering a good chunk of the expenses yourselves. Every couple and situation is different -- what doesn't change however, is that your budget will determine the type of wedding you will have -- place, style, everything -- so it should be one of the first things you tackle. Keep in mind that informal weddings are usually smaller (and therefore cheaper), and formal weddings tend to be larger (and therefore more expensive). The best way to work it out? Sit down with pencil, paper, and calculator and figure out what you really want and can afford.

Here's a list of the traditional costs for everyone involved -- but remember, these "rules" are made to be broken!

Ceremony

• Bride and family pay for church or synagogue, sexton, organist, etc.
• Groom and family pay for marriage license and officiant's fee.

Clothes

• Bride and family pay for bride's dress, veil, accessories, and trousseau (read: lingerie and honeymoon clothes).
• Groom and family pay for groom's outfit.
• All attendants pay for their own clothing (including shoes).

Flowers

• Bride and family pay for arrangements for church (including huppah if a Jewish ceremony) and reception, plus bouquets and corsages for bridesmaids and flower girls.
• Groom and family pay for bride's bouquet and going-away corsage, boutonnieres for men, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers.

Honeymoon

• Groom and family pay for complete honeymoon.

Photography

• Bride and family pay for all wedding photos and video.

Prewedding Parties

• Bride or groom's family plans and hosts engagement party; if there is more than one, bride's family hosts the first one.
• Maid of honour and bridesmaids host shower.
• Best man and ushers host bachelor party.
• Friends may throw additional engagement parties or showers.

Reception

• Bride and family pay for all professional services, including food, drink, decorations, and music.

Rings

• Bride and/or her family pay for groom's ring.
• Groom and/or his family pay for both of the bride's rings.

Stationery

• Bride and family pay for invitations, announcements, and wedding programs.

Transportation

• Bride and family pay for transportation of bridal party to and from ceremony and reception.

Ways to Save

• Unless you're a die-hard traditionalist, you can save hundreds by cutting the cost of showy formalities like bridesmaid dresses (your friends will thank you) and even corsages. A backyard reception can be just as fun -- and more intimate -- than one in a restaurant or banquet hall, where the space will cost you.

You might want to try balancing the kind of wedding you envision with the kind of honeymoon you want (i.e., a backyard wedding may equal a lavish honeymoon; a weekend in a bed-and-breakfast will make a larger wedding possible). And if you're saving up for a house, the honeymoon can always wait a year.

To avoid post marital bankruptcy, check out the following list of suggestions for keeping costs down. Then decide what's crucial, what's tempting, and what's extraneous. Make phone calls and get estimates.

• Invitations: Find a good printer. The invitation is the first thing guests see that's connected to your wedding, so they should look nice, but this isn't the place to go overboard. People will remember the event, not the invitation.
• Reception venue: Saturday night is the most sought-after time. If you can swing a Friday night, Saturday morning/afternoon, or Sunday reception, you'll not only save money, you may have more choice of dates.
• Transportation: A good place to save. Leased Bentleys and horse-drawn carriages are kind of corny, anyway (unless you're a debutante or Cinderella, of course). Consider finding a friend with a nice car and hitching a ride.
• Flowers: If there's time, have a trusted friend get them at the local greenmarket on wedding morning and set them up at the ceremony/reception sites.
• Caterer: Along with the menu (buffet may cost less than seated), discuss the cost of service (and tipping), liquor, the wedding cake, overtime, and insurance when you meet with prospective vendors. Consider too that a brunch, luncheon, or hors d'oeuvres reception costs less than a dinner.
• Music: DJs tend to be less expensive than live bands.
• Photographer and/or videographer: Don't skimp on photographs, or you'll regret it forever. Your wedding video is another important keepsake you won't want to pass up -- taping the ceremony only will save you some cash.

2. Planning - 8 tips to get organised

1. Lose the Laziness
One mistake that many couples make is basking in the glow of their engagement until 4-6 months before their wedding date. Then they try to cram all of the planning into a too-short period of time. Of course you should just sit back and be thrilled about your engagement for a while, but then you've gotta get cracking!
Get as much done as possible in the first few months so that the last few months won't be hectic.

2. Use your Stress Free Weddings calendar
Once you determine your wedding date, set specific dates by which you want to get things accomplished. For example, you got engaged in June, and your wedding date is April 24. On August 31, mark in that you want to have the ceremony location and reception hall reserved. Try to get as much done as possible in the first few months so that the last few months won't be hectic.

3. Set Aside Time
Choose a day of the week when you'll focus on the wedding details, or several days if you're pressed for time. Sit down together and plan. This eliminates confusion -- i.e., the groom thinking he's supposed to call and check on hall rentals when the bride already has it narrowed down to what will suit their needs.

4. Share Duties
This is the best way to get things done. You both should be involved every step of the way. Make a list of details to be taken care of, then divide the list in half. Each of you choose what you want to do. This will make grooms want to be involved, instead of making them feel like they have to help. Sure, your sweetie probably isn't concerned with exactly which flowers you carry. And maybe you're not picky about what tuxedos he and the guys wear (or maybe you are!). But involving your husband-to-be will make him feel that it's his wedding, too -- something he helped plan, not just something he has to show up at. Which brings us to...

5. Talk, Talk, Talk
We can't stress this enough. Be sure that if you're sharing duties that you're also sharing the details. It's okay to take care of certain things by yourself, just make sure you're telling each other about it so the caterer isn't contracted with twice!

6. Be Flexible
Okay. So you really didn't want the groom/bestman in those tails and top hats. And maybe he doesn't want the cake to be lemon with pecan icing (!). Each of you is going to want things that the other doesn't care for, but flexibility is a must. Be willing to bend. If you really object to something, let your objection be duly heard and noted. Just give the other person a chance to explain why he/she really wants to arrive at the reception in a hot tub in the back of the limo.

7. Details, Contracts, and Negotiations
When dealing with wedding professionals (caterers, florists, etc.), be sure to clarify all the details and your expectations during the initial discussions. Make sure you get a contract specifically stating dates, times, and locations. Be sure to include what you feel is appropriate dress, and what you feel isn't. Spell out everything. Try to negotiate the best deal for goods and services, but don't sell yourself short on important things just to get a better price.

Most importantly, be sure to read the fine print on every contract before you sign it, and make sure you're aware of cancellation policies and fees. Also ask if there's a grace period to cancel just in case you change your mind or something happens and you need to postpone the wedding (you never know).

8. Stay Organized
This one's pretty obvious! The more organized you are, the less chance there is that something will go wrong. Buy a notebook, and keep all your wedding information in it. Receipts, contracts, ideas -- everything. You might also want to get notebooks for your maid of honour/bridesmaids and the best man. Put info such as dates, times, locations, and duties. This will keep everyone organized as well, and minimize the chance of someone missing a fitting date or rehearsal time.

3. Reception venues - finding and selecting the spot that right for you

Roomy Fit
First, make sure the room is large enough to accommodate the number of people on your guest list. The space may look enormous when it's empty, but wedding essentials -- tables, chairs, a buffet, a bar, the band or DJ set-up, the dance floor -- can take up a lot of space. Not to mention your guests, who'll need some elbow room. Even if you choose an outdoor site, you'll need ample room on the lawn, in the arboretum, or poolside. The best way to assess the size of a site? Ask to check out the place when another wedding is being set up. Of course, if you decide you must have your wedding at your favourite bar (the one with one bathroom, two booths, and three feet of floor space), you can always work backward and tailor your guest list to match.

The site doesn't have to be done in the exact colours as your planned decorations, but it shouldn't clash or conflict with your party's mood or theme.

Eating, Drinking & Partying Areas
There should be logical places within the space where guests can eat, drink, talk, and dance. See if you can envision where each activity would happen (especially if your ceremony will be there, too). If a room is too small to separate into sections accordingly, you may feel cramped. If it's shaped like an S or some other oddball figure, that could compromise your party's flow, as well. Also, note the locations of columns or other obstructions in the room -- will they block people's views?

Privacy, Please!
Privacy varies widely from place to place, as does the importance couples place on it. If you're having a daytime event in a public spot, such as a park or botanical garden, be prepared for strangers to trek past your party. They may even smile, wave, and come by to offer their good wishes. If this is okay with you (the more the merrier!), go for the park. If not, opt for a lovely lawn on a private estate. Or hold the reception at a restaurant or gallery that will post a CLOSED FOR PRIVATE PARTY sign. Be sure to inquire about available security at your site to keep gatecrashers at bay.

In addition, don't think that just because you're indoors, you're safe from uninvited guests. Banquet halls and hotels often hold more than one affair at a time. If there'll be other events going on simultaneously in rooms close to yours, you may hear karaoke-loving guests singing their hearts out to the sounds of Madonna through the walls or meet them over the hot-air dryers in the bathroom. If this bothers you, try to schedule your wedding when there won't be another one next door. If this is impossible, visit the site on a dual-party night and see how the sound carries and whether there really are any major people problems -- before you make a decision.

Seeing the Light
Light can make -- or break -- the mood. If you're marrying during the day, make sure your hall has plenty of windows. Who wants to spend six hours in a dark room when the sun is shining? If it's an evening affair, make sure the room's not too dim -- or that the lighting can be controlled for the big entrance, dinner, and dancing. If you're marrying outdoors, say, at dusk, will you be able to set up candles if necessary?

Try to visit the site at the same time of day that you've chosen for your wedding. Even if the space looks swell by candlelight, you may be surprised by the sight of that 20-year-old carpet during the day. You'll also miss a chance to see how sunlight streaming through floor-to-ceiling windows completely transforms the room, if you check it out only in the evening.

A Great View
What will your guests look at (when they're not gazing at you or smiling for the videographer)? Whether it's your city skyline, a stunning vista of rolling mountains beyond the windows, or the crashing sea on the sand behind you, exceptional locations are always a feast for the eyes. If there's no view per se, look to a place's decor or architectural details: Picasso prints on the walls, fine Persian rugs on the floors, period furniture in the corners, or an amazing crystal chandelier as the room's centrepiece all give your reception site that something extra.

The Right Colour
If you're considering a certain theme and colour palette for your party -- say, a Victorian tea done in pink, green, and gold -- that brown shag carpet is really going to wreck the effect. The site doesn't have to be done in the exact colours as your planned decorations, but the walls, carpets, chairs, and curtains shouldn't clash or conflict with your party's mood or theme. If you want a spring wedding brunch, look for a space that's done in light (perhaps pastel) colours or florals; black walls and red leather booths just don't say "spring." But they'll look great if you're going medieval (or 1980s, for that matter). For classic elegance, consider a room done in neutrals or black and white.

Ample Outlets
Be sure to take a thorough cruise around the room to see if it has lots of places to plug things in -- especially if you're partying in a place that's not a regular spot for hosting weddings. Your main user of outlets will be the entertainment crew. Take note of where the outlets are; if their location will force your DJ to spin records in the bathroom, make sure she or he has plenty of extension cords.

Good Vibrations
If the place is too echoey, it could give some weird reverb to the band, not to mention make it difficult for guests to hear one another talking. A tile or wood floor, for example, will amplify sounds, while a thick carpet will tend to muffle them. Check out the room's sound quality during an event. And tailor your music to the acoustic conditions. A jazz combo will sound better at an intimate art gallery than a 14-piece orchestra would (not to mention the fact that it takes up less floor space).

A Place to Park
Make sure the site is near a good parking lot, garage, or big, empty (safe) street where it's legal to park. If parking is a problem, look for other ways to get everyone to the party. Can a shuttle bus or vans take guests from the ceremony to the reception? Inadequate parking isn't necessarily a deal breaker, but it may mean spending more time and money to figure out a viable vehicular alternative.

5. Your vendors - an overview

First of All
Get referrals from wedding consultants and recent brides -- friends, co-workers, neighbours, even the newlywed in your boxing class. Based on those referrals, schedule interviews and prepare a list of questions. Be an informed, discerning customer, not someone who's grateful to sign on the dotted line. Remember that you're in charge -- the vendors you hire work for you.

Band
This should be your first booking -- right after you've set the date and chosen a location. The type of musicians you hire -- a ten-piece orchestra, a rock band, a jazz ensemble -- will depend on your personal style, taste, and reception venue. Listen to a demo tape and drop by some live gigs if possible. For the ceremony, don't settle for traditional selections if you'd rather explore other options. If you want harp instead of organ, Pachelbel instead of Wagner, Aerosmith instead of Ave Maria, go for it. The ceremony is as much a reflection of you as the reception.

Disc Jockey
Do you want a mellow, smooth-groovin' DJ or a flashy, high-energy tune-spinner? Don't hire a DJ sight unseen. Make sure you meet with professionals in person so you get to know their personalities -- some might even have videos that show off their talent as an MC in action. Be sure to make a point of calling past clients to ask specific questions about the DJ's style. For example, "How did XYZ DJ interact with your guests?" And as a follow up: "Was that what you requested? Styles vary, so make sure it's the right person for your reception and that you'll want to have input into the play list (jukebox heaven) -- it's not your DJ's wedding, after all!

Photographer
Who will capture your wedding on film? The studio owner, whose portfolio is so dazzling you want to book him on the spot? Or a staff photographer you might not have spoken with at all? Many couples assume they're going to get the photographer they're talking to, but they might get somebody else. It's imperative to see samples and perhaps a proof set from the photographer who will shoot your wedding -- and to emphasize that you really want this photographer, not another staff member. Keep in mind that proofs (the initial, un-airbrushed shots the photographer shows you after the wedding) aren't perfect, there will be hits and misses. On the plus side, viewing proofs will give you a better sense of the photographer's ability.

Videographer
Your videographer should be as unobtrusive as possible. The videographer's presence can affect the atmosphere. If he requires too many lights, it's likely to detract from the romance. Find out if the camera will be on a tripod or shoulder-mounted, and ask how much supplemental lighting is needed. Try to find a videographer who shares your vision.

Caterer
Hidden catering expenses abound in the form of service (waiters and bartenders), equipment (plates, silverware, and linens), and bar items (liquor and garnishes). Don't ask about the base food cost -- find out the cost per person including these extras. Ask the caterer to prepare a tasting before you finalize the menu, so you'll know exactly what you're getting.

Florist
Finding first-rate flowers depends on finding a florist who shares your tastes and understands your vision. Look at samples of bouquets and centrepieces or photos of weddings a florist has done, and discuss prices for flowers you prefer. If they're too expensive, ask how to get the same effect with cheaper blooms and greens. It's important to know which flowers are costly and which are cost effective as far as looking great the longest, not having too strong a scent, or wilting early. If cost is a big factor and you're not picky, let the florist choose what's best at the market that week."

Cake Baker
Cakes are priced by the slice -- this price is usually based on ingredients and decorative elements, which vary greatly between cakes. You should decide what you want before approaching potential bakers, that way, you're comparing apples and apples. A general price range doesn't help much; you'll fare better if you ask for the price of something specific. It's extremely important to set the cake's delivery time in stone, that way, the location can prepare for its arrival. Your cake should arrive promptly to give you peace of mind, and the cake table, in turn, should be dressed and ready.

End Game
The most important caveat when dealing with vendors? Contracts. Make *sure* you sign one with every wedding professional you hire, and make sure the contract lists all details: dates, times, and exactly what you'll get (and what you don't want) from the person or company. That way, you'll have recourse in case something goes wrong.