1. The guests - Our 13 top tips

If you're running into conflicts curbing your guest list, consider who's footing the bill. Because the bride's parents traditionally pay for the wedding, they usually have more say over the list. If the groom's side is paying, flip that. Or, if you're throwing your own bash, allocate a specific number to each side.

Slash and Burn

If you like, start by making as big a list as you can -- the fantasy list. Then get ready to wield the pen as a hatchet and whack that list into shape, cutting ruthlessly until you are within budget. Reducing the guest list is the only way to truly cut costs.

Pick Your Priorities

If you have your heart set on a small country inn but plan to invite 200 people, it's not gonna happen. Figure out which is more important to you: more guests or a specific venue.

Battle the Guilt

A wedding is not an excuse to round up every long-lost friend you have known since you were 10 -- focus on people who matter now. Don't feel guilty when you run into someone you haven't seen in years and aren't planning on inviting to the wedding. Otherwise, you'd be inviting everyone you've every met.

Child's Play

If you're having a large number of guests 10 and under, hire a babysitter to watch kids them during the ceremony (have him or her sit with small kids in a separate room, if necessary). Or, set up a children's table or room at the reception, complete with favours, crayons, colouring books, small toys, and games. Consider hiring special children's entertainment, such as a caricaturist or clown.

Happy Meals

Ask your caterer to prepare kid meals so they don't have to eat -- and you don't have to pay for -- grown-up meals.

Choose Your Words

If you don't want to invite kids, make sure the outer and inner envelopes of your invitations are addressed in such a way that it's clear children aren't included ("Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Anderson" as opposed to "The Anderson Family"). If anyone RSVPs with their kids anyway, it's okay to call and gently explain your preference.

Take a Seat

When it comes to seating guests at the ceremony, the general rule of thumb is one usher for every 50 guests.

Talkative Tables

Want to ensure you've created perfect, party-friendly tables for your guests? Here are some things to consider: Put people with similar interests and of similar ages together; put an even number of guests at each table (people tend to pair off in conversation so you don't want to leave anyone out); and put the dance lovers near the dance floor -- they'll get the party rocking.

Stick to a Schedule

One of the simplest, most useful things you can do for out of town guests is provide a wedding itinerary. After sending out your invitations you can create a wedding web page for an easily referenced one-stop-shop for guests to check up on everything you have planned.

Set Them Up

Recommend different places for guests to stay. Look for locations near your ceremony and reception sites, and start calling around about six months beforehand to check on large-scale availability for the days surrounding your wedding, and to inquire about special group rates.

Show Your Appreciation

Comfort the jet-lagged and travel-weary with a little something left in their hotel rooms. Imagine their delight -- walking into their temporary living quarters to discover a basket of fresh fruit, a bouquet of flowers, a tin of local chocolates, or a bottle of chilled bubbly.

Abide By a Buddy System

Out-of-town guests who are travelling alone? Create a buddy system. Appoint a kind, willing family member to welcome the guest to town and offer his phone number for questions. Your buddy probably won't get woken up at 4 a.m., but the knowledge that he's there should help nervous travellers.

2. Ceremony seating how to's

Family, friends, and family friends: Where should they sit during your big moment? With parents, stepparents, divorced parents, grandparents, and extended family, all in attendance, you'll need a plan. Here are our guidelines.

Ushers: Who Are They?

You can enlist a few of your groomsmen to play ushers, or you can ask some relatives or friends to seat your guests. The rule of thumb is one usher for every 50 guests. If you're having an intimate ceremony, you may not need ushers, but you might want to put someone in charge of "sensitive" seating issues -- like keeping your mom and step mom apart.

Ushers really need to know where everyone's supposed to sit -- so print out a list for them! Traditionally, female guests are escorted to their seats; the usher offers his right arm to the woman, and her male companion follows them down the aisle. (With a group of women, the usher might offer his arm to the oldest woman.) These days, it's fine for ushers to simply greet guests at the door and lead them to their seats, saying, "Please follow me."

Ushers really need to know where everyone's supposed to sit -- so print out a list for them!

Taking Sides

Ushers needn't ask guests whose "side" they are on. (In Christian ceremonies, the bride's side is the left side of the church when looking from back to front, and the groom's side is the right; for Jewish services, it's the opposite.) But should someone express a preference for one side or the other (many guests will say they are friends or relatives of the bride or groom), they should be seated where they want to sit. If one side of the family will have more guests than the other, ushers should try to even things out, explaining that everyone will sit together so guests can get the best view possible.

Who Sits Where?

Quick answers to your most frequent seating questions:

• Elderly guests should be seated near the front.
• Guests in wheelchairs or on crutches should sit at the end of a pew.
• The first four or five rows may be reserved for immediate and extended family (like aunts, uncles, cousins, and godparents) and other special guests (like the parents of a child attendant) by tying ribbons across those rows.
• Immediate family is seated just before the ceremony begins. Siblings (if they're not in the wedding party) are seated before grandparents and great-grandparents. They sit either in the first row with parents or in the second row with grandparents. Start seating with the groom's side.
• If you have step-relatives, make sure ushers know who they are. Step-relatives should be escorted to their seats first -- for example, step-grandparents precede birth grandparents. You may want to reserve a few extra rows directly behind immediate family for step-grandparents and stepsiblings.
• If the bride's or groom's parents are divorced, seat the parent who primarily raised the bride or groom in the front row with his/her spouse, and seat the other parent and his/her spouse in the third row. Alternatively, birth parents may sit beside each other in the first row, or they may share the front row with stepparents. Discuss this in advance to avoid awkward moments.
• The bride's mother is always seated last at a Christian ceremony; the groom's mother is seated just before her. (In Jewish ceremonies, parents stand under the huppah with the couple). The seating of the bride's mother signals that the ceremony is about to begin.
• Brothers of the bride and groom usually seat their mothers; the head usher can do it if the brothers are in the wedding party, or a brother can seat his mom and then take his place with the other groomsmen.

3. Guests - Reception seating how-to's

With two weeks to go before the big day, one of the last-minute wedding tasks you've got the deal with is creating a seating chart. It doesn't have to be hard!

If you're having 50 guests to a buffet, you may or may not want to give people specific seating assignments. But if you're having 100 guests or more and serving a seated meal, you'll want to make sure everyone's got a specific place to sit. Why? For one, people like to know where they're sitting -- and that you took the time to choose where and who they should sit with. It's also helpful if you're serving several different entree choices, because the caterer and wait staff can figure out beforehand how many chickens, filets, or veggie dishes a given table gets because they (you) know who's sitting there. Read on for tips on how to seat neatly.

The parent-seating question is a flexible one. Set it up in whatever way best suits everybody.

Start Early

We've been at kitchen tables the night before the wedding (or even wedding morning) with a bride and groom just starting their seating chart. Don't let this be you -- you've got more important things to think about at that point! Sure, it's fine to make last-minute changes, but try to get the chart mostly done at at least a week before the big day. Use your seating planner to make this easy!

Hit the Keys

Use the guest list and seating planer to make your life soooo easy!

Tame Tensions

There may also be situations in which certain family members just do not get along. Maybe they haven't spoken in years. Maybe the last time they saw each other there was a drunken catfight. Understandably, you want to keep them as far apart as possible. Think about these kinds of relationships (or lack thereof) before you even begin making your chart, so you can take them into consideration in the first place and begin by seating Aunt Hattie at table 3 and Aunt Lucy across the room at table 15. Trust us -- they'll appreciate it.

Play Matchmaker

Again, all your college or high-school friends will be psyched to sit at a table together -- and especially if you and your beloved went to the same school and have the same friends, this works out well. It also gives them all an opportunity to catch up with each other, because they may not have seen each other for a while. But again -- reception tables offer a cool opportunity to mix and match your friends and your honey's -- who knows who'll hit it off? Consider seating friends who don't know each other (yet), but who you think will get along exceptionally well, at the same table -- and the rest is history. It can't hurt!

Switch Things Up

All the maids can sit on the bride's side, all the groomsmen on the groom's. Or maybe you're not into being on display, or you don't want your wedding party to feel isolated from other guests. Let your wedding party sit at a round reception table or two with each other and/or with their dates/significant others, and have the head table be a sweetheart table for the two of you. (How romantic!) Another option -- you two sit with your parents and let that be the head table, with the wedding party at their own tables.

Place Your Parents

Traditionally, your parents and your sweetie's parents sit at the same table, along with grandparents, siblings not in the wedding party, and the officiant and his/her spouse if they attend the reception. But if your or your honey's parents are divorced, and are uncomfortable about sitting next to each other, you might want to let each set of parents host their own table of close family and/or friends . This could mean up to four parents' tables, depending on your situation -- or have the divorced parent who raised you (or your honey) and his/her spouse/date sit at the table with still-married parents. (Phew, confusing!)

Remember, the parent-seating question is a flexible one. Set it up in whatever way best suits everybody. If you're unsure, don't hesitate to talk to the parents in question about it before you make your final decision.

5. Guest List - How to make it work

Your sweetie has a friend you can't stand, you have relatives your sweetie considers extraneous, and your mother is making it very clear she expects an old-fashioned wedding; that is, with all her friends on the list. Not to worry: Brides and grooms -- and their parents -- have been battling this one out forever, and no marriage has been forestalled by it yet (at least, none we know of). Here's our guide to making the guest list work:

Who's Paying?

If you're running into conflicts, consider who's paying for it. Because the bride's parents traditionally paid for the wedding, they usually determined the number of guests and told the groom's parents how many people they were allowed to invite. Now that couples are as likely as not to be paying for their own weddings -- at least in part -- they often primarily decide how many people to invite and divide that number between their two families, or by three -- the bride's parents, the groom's parents, and the couple.

A wedding is not an excuse to round up every lost friend you've known since you were 10 -- focus on people who matter now.

If you go traditional and the parents of the bride are footing the bill, then you should take their wishes into account and try to compromise. At a large wedding, a few extra people won't make a bit of difference. But if your goal is intimacy, stick to your guns no matter what unholy pressures your family unleash -- especially if you're paying.

The Food Factor

Because food is usually one of the (if not the) largest costs associated with a wedding, and because catering costs are determined on a per-person basis, keeping your guest list small is a major money saver. If you like, start by making as big a list as you can -- the fantasy list. Then get ready to wield the pen as hatchet and whack that list into shape, cutting ruthlessly until you are within budget.

The Venue Factor

Also dependent on your guest list is your choice of wedding/reception venue. If you have your heart set on a small country inn but plan to invite 200 people, you can see the problem it presents. So figure out which is more important to you: more guests or a specific venue. If you choose more people, find a venue that will comfortably accommodate them. If venue is most important, find out how many folks your space will hold and invite accordingly.

Hurt Feelings

If the issue at hand is the potentially hurt feelings of the uninvited, remember that remote cousins often feel as indifferent toward you as you do toward them, and may be happy not to come. The same goes for distant friends. A wedding is not an excuse to round up every lost intimate friend you have known since you were 10 -- focus on people who matter now.

Your Sweetie's Friends

As for friends-in-law you wish you'd never met, start with this crucial connubial ground rule: You two are separate people with different tastes. You don't have to like each other's friends, but hey, letting them share some champagne with you on your big day is not going to hurt anyone.

6. Guests - the kids stay in the picture

The discussion of whether to invite children to a wedding always becomes a passionate one. In one corner, you have people (often times with children of their own) who think kids add a certain magic to the atmosphere -- those precious moments otherwise only available at a card store. In the other corner, you have those who feel as though that "magic" is more the black variety -- the screaming, the messing, the ruining. But including kids in your festivities doesn't have to be a horror movie in the making. Follow these guidelines to ensure that your wedding is fun for all ages.

Decide Who's Included

Don't feel as though having kids at your wedding opens it up to everyone under 13. Although it may seem tough to exclude, it's perfectly fine only to invite children who are part of your or your fiance's family -- or those of close family friends. Just because you want your niece at your wedding doesn't mean you must have everyone else's niece. If you let yourself get caught up in the drama of "Why wasn't my child invited?!" you're going to find yourself in a big (and expensive) mess, with every child of every random guest coming out of the woodwork looking for an invitation. Stand strong, and tell people you're sorry you can't include everyone -- that you're trying to limit the guest list.

Make It Clear Who's Invited

Parents tend to make assumptions about their kids making the list. They assume their kids are or aren't, but either way they often don't ask. So you need to make it abundantly clear who is included. If you are inviting kids, adding the words "and family" to the invitation envelope indicates as much. If you aren't including children but someone RSVPs for theirs, you may be put in the uncomfortable position of calling them to let them know you're sorry but you couldn't invite everyone's children. To avoid hurt feelings if you're having some kids (such as the flower girl and ring bearer) make sure you explain your inviting parameters.

Managing The Kids

If possible, seat all the parents and their children together at one table or at tables close to each other. The quickest way to ruin a single guest's time is to stick them at a table with lots of kids. While it might seem like a good idea to put all the children at a table alone, an unsupervised group of kids is the fastest way to go from elegant reception to kindergarten madness.

Another way to keep the kiddie contingent under control: Hire a chaperone. If you know a teenager or young adult who'd be willing to be a designated adult for a few hours, hire her to keep an eye on things. She'll be less babysitter and more lifeguard -- someone who can take the kids to the bathroom, put a Band-Aid on bumps and bruises, or simply say, "Bobby, please get off the wedding cake."

Offer A Kid's Meal

Be thoughtful when choosing the food you want to serve to the little ones. This isn't the time to be a culinary snob -- most kids will eat only fun foods like little pizzas, chicken fingers, or mini hot dogs, so spare yourself the heartache and extra dollars and forgo the foie gras. For dessert, a make-your-own-sundae bar is always a hit. And since little people have small appetites, you should ask your catering manager for a lower per-person price. Also be sure to ask if the kids can get their food early and quickly -- especially at an evening reception -- since kids eat on a schedule.

Keep Them Entertained

Since children have short attention spans, you may need to create diversions -- a kid-friendly DVD, a few board games, or a couple of Game Boys -- set up in a separate room. You could also prepare goodie bags for them. Arts and crafts stores have great bead sets, drawing kits, and the like. Our advice: Get every boy the same gift and another gift for every girl, if not the same gift for all. You don't want anyone to be fighting over that lone box of scented markers.

Don't Freak Out

Despite the fear that people will instil in you for inviting kids, children do bring instant surprise to a wedding (not to mention a lot of laughs). Keep a sense of humour about having the little ones there: If Isabel can't keep her hands off the cake, don't throw a fit. Instead, laugh and tell the photographer to catch it on film.